Between Midnight and Dawn: The Scattering of Light



 Remember the day you stood before the Lord your God at Horeb, when he said to me, “Assemble the people before me to hear my words so that they may learn to revere me as long as they live in the land and may teach them to their children.”  You came near and stood at the foot of the mountain while it blazed with fire to the very heavens, with black clouds and deep darkness.  Then the Lord spoke to you out of the fire. You heard the sound of words but saw no form; there was only a voice.
Deuteronomy 4:10-12


In the old days, on Easter night, the Russian peasants used to carry the blessed fire home from church. The light would scatter and travel in all directions through the darkness, and the desolation of the night would be pierced and dispelled as lamps came on in the windows of the farmhouses, one by one. Even so, the glory of God sleeps everywhere, ready to blaze out unexpectedly in created things. Even so, his peace and his order lie hidden in the world, even the world of today, ready to reestablish themselves in his way, in his own good time – but never without the instrumentality of free options made by free people.
~Thomas Merton


During our northwest winters, there is so little sunlight on gray cloudy days that I routinely turn on the two light bulbs in the big hay barn any time I need to go in to fetch hay bales for the horses. This is to help me avoid falling into the holes that inevitably develop in the hay stack between bales. The murky lighting tends to hide the dark shadows of the leg-swallowing pits among the bales, something that is particularly hazardous when carrying a 60 pound hay bale.

When I went to feed the horses at sunset tonight, I looked up at the lights blazing in the hay barn and went to the light switch to shut them off, but the switch was already off. Puzzled, I realized that lighting up the barn was a precise angle of the setting sun, not light bulbs at all. The last of the day’s sun rays were streaming through the barn slat openings, richocheting off the roof timbers onto the bales, casting an almost fiery glow onto the hay. The barn was ignited and ablaze without fire and smoke which are the last things one would even want in a hay barn. I could scramble among the bales without worry to get my chores accomplished.

It seems even in my life outside the barn I’ve been falling into more than my share of dark holes lately. Even when I know where they lie and how deep they are, some days I will manage to step right in anyway. Each time it knocks the breath out of me, makes me cry out, makes me want to quit trying to lift the heavy loads. It leaves me fearful to even venture out.

Then, amazingly, a light comes from the most unexpected of places, blazing a trail to help me see where to step, what to avoid, how to navigate the hazards to avoid collapsing on my face. I’m redirected, inspired anew, granted grace, gratefully calmed and comforted amid my fears. Even though the light fades, and the darkness descends again, it is only until tomorrow. Then it will reignite again.

The scattered light returns and so will I.




5 thoughts on “Between Midnight and Dawn: The Scattering of Light

  1. I am also so thankful for the signs he sends to show me He is always close and I need not fear and be anxious. Mourning doves cooing on the power lines right by my window, hummingbirds at their feeder, eagles soaring the sky’s, birdsong in the air. Each saying in turn, I am here do not fear.


  2. Thank you for this beautiful reminder of The Light of the World, Emily.
    May it lead us out of the terrible darkness into which we have plunged ourselves. We must seek it and be led by it as it warms us and soothes our
    tortured souls.


  3. Your verses from Deuteronomy paired with the first two photo’s are wonderful. I just came back from a 4 day quiltmaking retreat with 3 of my quilting friends. We go to San Antonio Mission about 1 hour north/west of our farm. It’s such a quiet, step back in time place, to sew uninterrupted, in such a reflective environment. God’s grace is such a blessing to have.
    Thank you for your beautiful post. May you continue to feel His love and Hope.


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