Now and Now and Now

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And so you have a life that you are living only now, now and now and now, gone before you can speak of it, and you must be thankful for living day by day, moment by moment … a life in the breath and pulse and living light of the present…
~Wendell Berry from Hannah Coulter

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My clinic days are filled with anxious people, one after another after another.  They sit at the edge of their seat, eyes brimming, voice shaky. fingers gripping the arms of the chair.

Each moment, each breath, each rapid heart beat overwhelmed by fear-filled questions:  will there be another breath?  must there be another breath?   Must this life go on like this in panic of not knowing what the next moment will bring?

The only thing more frightening than the unknown is the known that the next moment will be just like the last.

It seems a serious deficit of acknowledgment of NOW, no recognition of a moment just passed that can never be retrieved and relived.  There is only fear of the next and the next so that the now and the now is lost forever.

Such worry and angst is more contagious than the flu virus rampant in the waiting room.
I mask up and wash my hands of it throughout the day.
I wish a vaccination could protect us all from our unnamed fears.

I want to say to them and myself:
Stop wishing away your life.
Stop wanting this moment, this feeling, to vanish.
Stop expecting some one, some thing or some drug must fix it.
Stop being blind and deaf to the gift of each breath.

Just stop this moment in time
And simply be.

I want to say to them and myself:
this moment is ours,
this moment of weeping and sharing
and breath and pulse and light
and yes, sometimes despair.

Shout for joy in it.
Celebrate it for what it is.
Be thankful for tears that can flow over grateful lips.

Stop me before I write
out of my own anxiety,
yet another prescription
you probably do not need.

Just be–
and be blessed–
in the now and now and now.

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8 thoughts on “Now and Now and Now

  1. I don’t always have time to read your blog but when I do I am always deeply touched!! I work in the insurance industry – a fear based business that tries to sell people Peace in the form of “we will cover you” in the event of a disaster – some things can not be covered or foreseen – there are no guarantees…. we can get caught up in the fear or make Heart connections that for a moment or two make us feel part of something greater than ourselves! I am grateful to be able to “help some, comfort some, bring clarity to some and also to let others wallow in there fears” (as it seems to be where they are most comfortable). There are no guarantees aside from the moment we are in!!
    God Bless you!! Keep writing!! 💜

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  2. at 63, i am into some memory failings now, and trying to change what i can for the betterment of my brain. your words today have been a blessing, as i keep trying to live in the now, and not the future whens and what thens. thank you again for your words…they help me keep my perspective.

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  3. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and for your common-sense prescription, Emily..
    Trying to live day-by-day, moment-to-moment in this way could possibly put a big dent in the pharmaceutical industry’s ever-expanding place in our lives as they profess to solve all of our medical problems and even beyond…..

    More importantly, we will learn to seek our Lord and to trust Him – He who already knows our needs and has promised us in His Word that he is there for us — always, ALWAYS..(.He does not keep office hours, is available 24/7.)

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  4. I wonder why it’s such a challenge to live in the “now”? This is Ann Voskamp’s message too, and I think it’s important and would be such a blessing to live that way–but I haven’t succeeded yet. And I’m 80 years old!! I NEED to cherish my moments!!! Thank you for the poignant reminder, Emily.

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  5. Once again, Emily, you captured truth so well. Now is all we really have.
    I love you! I love how you express life, and I love your photos. I see the buds of hope on the bare branches against the sunset. I love you for your faithfulness……..to God; to your gift of writing that He gave you; for your care for the hurting and sick; for the love you pour out. May Yahweh refill you as you pour yourself out in so many ways.

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  6. I have you in my prayers dear Emily, that you aren’t pulled into your patients fears. That you feel God’s strength protecting you as you continue to give to those in your care. As I go each day forward without my dear Eli, I too stay in the moment. Each step of the way. God gave me the best gift when He brought Eli into my life. Now Eli is with our Lord, and I must remember to live each now with joy! Thank you Emily.

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