Clearing the Fog

 

 

 

Tired and hungry, late in the day, impelled
to leave the house and search for what
might lift me back to what I had fallen away from,
I stood by the shore waiting.
I had walked in the silent woods:
the trees withdrew into their secrets.
Dusk was smoothing breadths of silk
over the lake, watery amethyst fading to gray.
Ducks were clustered in sleeping companies
afloat on their element as I was not
on mine.

I turned homeward, unsatisfied.
But after a few steps, I paused, impelled again
to linger, to look North before nightfall-the expanse
of calm, of calming water, last wafts
of rose in the few high clouds.

And was rewarded:
the heron, unseen for weeks, came flying
widewinged toward me, settled
just offshore on his post,
took up his vigil.
                               If you ask
why this cleared a fog from my spirit,
I have no answer.
~Denise Levertov “A Reward” from Evening Train.

 

 

 

~Lustravit lampade terras~
(He has illumined the world with a lamp)
The weather and my mood have little connection.
I have my foggy and my fine days within me;
my prosperity or misfortune has little to do with the matter.
– Blaise Pascal from “Miscellaneous Writings”

And so you have a life that you are living only now,
now and now and now,
gone before you can speak of it,
and you must be thankful for living day by day,
moment by moment …
a life in the breath and pulse and living light of the present…

~Wendell Berry from Hannah Coulter

Worry and sorrow and angst are more contagious than the flu.
I mask up and wash my hands of it throughout the day.
There should be a vaccination against unnamed fears.

I want to say to my patients and to myself:
Stop now, this moment in time.
Stop and stop and stop.

Stop needing to be numb to all discomfort.
Stop resenting the gift of each breath.
Just stop.
Instead, simply be.

I want to say:
this moment, foggy or fine, is yours alone,
this moment of weeping and sharing
and breath and pulse and light.

Shout for joy in it.
Celebrate it.

Be thankful for tears that can flow over grateful lips
just as rain can clear the fog.
Stop holding them back.

Just be–
be blessed in both the fine and the foggy days–
in the now and now and now.




6 thoughts on “Clearing the Fog

  1. Wonderful. I can feel every word. I don’t know how you manage to gather photographs and words that place me back where I am in such a real way, validating this particular moment among all others. It is your peculiar gift, and I could say “thank you” every day really, but at least on some days, saying “thank you” is required. So thank you, in your very busy life, that you take the time to scatter jewels.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. i love the heron. reminds me of the daily visitor at the pond on the farm quietly waiting to catch a meal. I need to hear your words. just had a personal pity party. fell on new years day. now in a splint on the dominant arm. total inconvenience. dressing and personal hygiene have become a challenge. just weary of challenges. I continue to be thankful. it could be worse, but it sure could be better. yuck to this moment in time. I need god’s manna for emotional strength to work through this season of life.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. MEA CULPA — too often living with the negative…not accepting that there can be positive lessons to be learned and peace of soul gained by waiting until the self-induced negatives pass….

    Liked by 1 person

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