Cold Grows Colder

The cold grows colder, even as the days 
grow longer, February’s mercury vapor light 
buffing but not defrosting the bone-white 
ground, crusty and treacherous underfoot. 
This is the time of year that’s apt to put 
a hammerlock on a healthy appetite, 
old anxieties back into the night, 
insomnia and nightmares into play; 
when things in need of doing go undone 
and things that can’t be undone come to call, 
muttering recriminations at the door, 
and buried ambitions rise up through the floor 
and pin your wriggling shoulders to the wall; 
and hope’s a reptile waiting for the sun.
~Bill Christopherson
“February”

Just when you think it is safe to go out in shirt sleeves and sweats, subzero wind chill blasts through your bravado and reminds you February is still WINTER on the calendar and in reality.

February can be a month of regret and recriminations, of “should-haves” and “should-not-haves” while waiting, frozen and immobile, for spring to bring us back to life. Like cold-blooded creatures, we need the sun to warm us up so we can move again. This sun today, bright as it is, only lights up our flaws and holes – no warmth whatsoever.

And it’s not just me struggling to stay upright in the storm. Our old red barn, waiting for its spring date with a talented rehab carpenter, hasn’t many roof shingles left after this latest blow, and a recent partial wall collapse in the wind prompted a neighbor to ask if we had meant to create a new door into our barn.

Uh, no.

The old barn is kind of like how I feel at times: lacking a decent foundation, a bit shaky on my underpinnings, a lot sagging in the middle, broad in the beam and drafty where I shouldn’t be.

So much to be shored up, fixed, patched and restored. So much need for a talented Carpenter who knows how to mend and strengthen the broken and fallen.

5 thoughts on “Cold Grows Colder

  1. Truly said. We never lose the need for ‘the Carpenter.’ It is when we let things go – or try to ‘fix the broken,’ ‘right the wrong’ all by ourselves without His help that we fall flat on our faces, immobile, helpless, hopeless, until we ask for His help. And because He is who he told us who He was, through His Son, Jesus, we know and believe that He is the only One who knows our problem(s) and how to ‘fix’ them….
    Thank you, Emily.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Around here, February has some of the most beautiful days of the year. Snow on the valley rim makes the air fresh and easy to breathe. Sunlight warms us enough to take away most of winter’s chill, and there’s comfort in the feeling that more will come. This mixed metaphor of months often makes me think of a favorite old Lennon/McCartney refrain, “I’m fixing a hole…” and it seems you might be listening as well.

    Like

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